Maybe they tried to be appreciative, we dont know.
I started performing since i was primary 3. I followed my parents to join band, followed them to choose clarinet. My mom said i was wasting my time, even though i didnt had bad results. To strive for their attention, I fought hard in my studies, I want to please them. I spent alot of time in band too. but it definitely didnt affect my studies, instead, it helped me in my studies. Though i did not have fantastic results for my PSLE, i had an average mark. Which got me a place in Geylang Methodist Sec.
In fact, tho my results arent fantastic, all along i scored better than my siblings. But the attention i got, is the worse among them. Tom said it's called middle-child-syndrome.
When i was in primary 5, we got a chance to do the mass display for youth festival. I was so happy, got the tickets and hoped for my parents to go. I really hope they can be there for my performances. But they didnt. :( yeah, i cried. Because they didnt want to go. hur. But my sister went. I was elated that day!
Moved on to secondary school. Continued my band. When i was in sec 2, i squeezed into the first class. happy! They only replied "heh, good". And never bother already.
Secondary 2, i wanted to go into faith 3-2 badly. I want that subjects combination. I know im one of the lousist among my friends. I worked harder than before, tho still not as good as my peers, I got into the class i want. Mommy was happy for me, but she has gotten use to 'no need to worry' me mindset. So, it's just like normal results to her.
Continue to strive hard. Till olevels. I got the results i wanted. But i chose poly. Cos i like poly. Initially i got into accountancy. mommy said "anything" just choose whatever i want. But in the end.. her naggings really drowned me. I changed my path to multimedia. it's said to be 'good future'. whatever.
Now, Im choosing my degree course. I have my dreams. Interior design that is. I cannot explain the passion i have for interior design. The desire to make every environment comfy. Maybe that's just a interest, i dont know, because i've not gone into it. I admit, I still cant get over the fact that i have to choose to go for business. yah, to normal people, it's brainless to go to poly with my o level results (not fantastic but i can get into a jc), and brainless to go into interior design which everybody can go with my poly results (not fantastic also lah, at least can earn me a place in smu). To me its not. Results is only self satisfaction to myself. The power comes from satisfaction.
I dont know, my mom may be right. For me to go into business. Next time we'll know yah? Yeah, on that very day i have to pay lasalle's school fees, smu gave me a place in the school. Maybe it's God's will.
In anycase, my best home design, will be my future home. that's for sure. :)
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Last friday, I got daddy a black pepper chicken pie from Don. For his fathers' day present. I bought it during lunch of course. Daddy said "ee not nice one. so cold" and went up to his room. I smiled. But i was disappointed. Because that pie wasn't appreciated.
I know parents dote me. They try to give me whatever i want, whatever i need. I really seek understanding. They may be trying hard to show appreciation, but perhaps they dont know how. I dont blame them. Everybody has a way to show their feelings.
EMO.
posted by Cecilia @ 10:49 PM
